The last thing I knew. I gave my heart to him. I didn’t know when or how. But I knew that it was going to go out of hand. I couldn’t let him know because it wouldn’t have worked out even if I told him. It drove me insane. But who was I kidding? I would never be good enough. He was popular while I, was somebody. I wasn’t pretty like the girls in school. I wasn’t rational for my age. I was reckless. He invaded my mind. I wanted to spend every moment possible with him. Walking down the hallway just to see him there. Oh god, the times I’ve spent trying to avoid him. Stupid girl. I can’t seem to forget about him. He’s just appearing in my mind all the time and it’s just driving me nuts. Whenever I pick up my phone I would be so tempted to send you a text just to ask you how are you doing. I don’t know why I’m allowing myself to do this. I feel so ridiculous. It’s naïve for me to think that he’s the one. Because what if it’s all a load to misrepresented feelings? I don’t dare to vouch for what he feels because I could’ve sworn that he liked me back but at the end of the day, I don’t dare at all. I’ve lost it. I’ve lost my guts. I guess you’ve won. You’ve successfully won my heart and there you are, somewhere else. I’ve tried running but whenever I ran, it always led me back to you that I couldn’t let you go. I’ve been trying for too long. It’s been too long. Why? Why is this still happening to me? This shouldn’t happen to me at all. I shouldn’t even be thinking about this anymore. You’re my past, but you’re not going to be my future. It pains me to say that my heart will break if I see you with another person whom you love and deserves your love but if she makes you happy, then I’ll be happy for you too. This future is full of uncertainty and I can bet that my future’s going to bring you back to swing a sucker punch into my face and shatter what was once called my heart.
And this is the scary thing called life. People could simply play with our feelings, show us the wrong signs and for that one moment it felt so right, it just tears you apart. Sometimes it’s just comforting to know that life has just begun and you can take your time to meet that person. I don’t think that there’s the one out in the universe but it’ll be someone. And sometimes I’d ask myself, how would the world be if there wasn’t a thing called a ‘crush’. How interesting things would turn out. 😉
(Excerpt taken from somewhere… I forgot. Heh, sorry.)