Have you ever heard of something that within that 5 mins you hear what your life is going to turn out and it completely turns your life upside down? Well… I did.
So, it happened on one fine day where I’ve had my life read out like a ridiculously boring book that everything has already been settled etc etc. Of course I believe that God has everything in my life planned out and in place but surely it couldn’t be that boring… Right?
Okay, so here’s how it went…
Prior to my death and everything getting predicted and stuff like that being announced to the whole wide world, I didn’t know that this person was a ghostbuster. But anyways, I found out when all of that was revealed to me. But anyways, I got curious and asked about my potential love life and it didn’t come out like how I wanted it to be.
You know how some people want kids but they’ll never get them?
How people always wanted a family after awhile?
How people would able to look into their partner’s eyes and find comfort in it?
How happily ever after was part of their lives?
But how all of these would never be mine to live, that I’ll never have that day to find love, how all of these is taken away from me even before I’m able to experience this at least once. No, this doesn’t have to do with death or anything, it’s the pain of living till a ripe old age, with apparently a good job that I wouldn’t give up for love. (Damn it, what was I thinking?)
But yes, the sad truth was… My love life is dark, cold and lonely.
I don’t even understand what I’ve done to deserve such a future like that. I’ve actually thought of being alone for the rest of my life and trust me, that was a scary thought. It’s really crazy and no, I’ll never be a cat lady. I mean, I’ve spent my entire life thinking that one day I’ll meet someone whom I deserve and spent the rest of my life with. Apparently, I was wrong. I’ve always longed to fall in love, get married, have a family and eventually die. But guess what, it isn’t going to happen now.
To live alone is not the worst thing that could happen, is living alone without someone to love is the worst thing that could happen in life and there I’ll be, living that in a couple of years where everyone would be happily married, in love or even have kids while I’ll be sitting there trying to feel happy for them when I know that my future doesn’t have that in stored.
I resent it, I really do, but I really don’t believe that this is how my future is going to be. This isn’t something that I deserve. I’ve done nothing wrong to deserve this. I still have years to live on to find out what the truth really is. Just because somebody says something like that, doesn’t me that that’s a prophesy over my life. I reject that. I reject those unworthy thoughts that were spoken over my life, that my life is not ruled by false prophets and lies from the devil but by the grace and truth of God’s plan for me. The devil is here to steal, kill and destroy and here he is trying to destroy my faith and future of greater works through the power of Christ. Here to rob the joy that I have and steal my future that God has in His hands. But this isn’t going to happen, because I reject this.
Fel 1 – Devil 0
Of course, it’s been days since I’ve actually processed it in my mind. But it does explain quite a fair bit of my life for the past few years. Which actually leads me to that question… Am I really undatable? I’m really high D and well, I’m sorry..?