What could have been…

I know this has been in my mind like forever and I’ve always wondered about the possibilities of those scenarios of ‘What Could Have Been’ if I had done things differently.

Things like:
If I tried a little harder, would the outcome have been different?
Or if I was a smarter, could I have been somewhere else studying?
Maybe if I read more books, it would help me in my command of language?
Being a little skinnier, have nicer skin, fluffier hair, guys would like me better?
Talked a little lesser, not let my true personality shine, would people like me better?
How about striving to be the most popular person around, being completely plastic so that I’ll fit in just nicely.
Be a little less frank so people would like what they hear.

I think that those are like batshit crazy insecurities but have you ever thought that what if you really did them differently? Could they’ve been life changing situations? Would people really like me a little bit better. Just a little more to make me feel better about myself? Those crazy times that I’ve experienced, I’m pretty glad to say that I wouldn’t trade it for any other thing in this world. I like where I’m at now and well, I’m thankful.



So recently, a crazy ton of things have happened and I’m stuck under a pile of uncompleted work and probably would be stuck with my laptop for the next two months of my life trying to sort out every single detail of school and life. I am stressed, I am paranoid, and I am definitely going crazy. I won’t call myself a perfectionist but I would be darn annoyed about myself for not doing it right or missing a detail. Can you even feel the amount of pressure. Hey, pressure is good. But I’d love my own space to work things out. I have a shitload of things to complete before I can attend to an issue and… I’m not sorry about that. There are more pressing issues to attend to before caring about what you have to do and I’m still not sorry. Nevertheless, I’ve got to work on my time management cause it’s starting to suck.

To nobody in particular (if you need this):
I hope that during this process, I hope that you won’t get hurt and that you wouldn’t hurt yourself. I pray that you’ll know what you’re doing that I/We support the decisions that you make and regardless of the result and the mistakes that you’ve made, we’ll still be here for you even if it’s disastrous. We are standing with you regardless of what happens now or in the future, because we love you and if things go wrong I pray that nothing would come in-between the plans that He has for you. 🙂



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