I’m going somewhere but I don’t know where.

You know the days when you spend sitting in front of your work and you’re just thinking, “Why did I even choose to do this in the first place?”

I know that feeling, just a little bit too well.

For the past two weeks I’ve been sitting around thinking about the route that I chose and was it really what I wanted to do. As internship is approaching, all that I’ve actually wondered was, what in the world did I do to get myself into this. All my friends in school are doing telecomms and is that really what this diploma that I’m doing can offer to us in the near future. Well, for one, I don’t think that three years should be spent on the end goal of sitting in front of the phone. Even though it’s all the same be it being on the front line of service or behind the scenes like telecommunication/telemarketing, but that being said, it has to be meaningful and fruitful at the end.

A part of me wondered, what if I chose a different course instead – Mass Communications, or Arts and Theater Management, or even something that has to do with videography/photography. Well, I’d suck at those but it’s something that I like to do. Another part of me thought, what happened to that passion I had for Tourism and Hospitality, and my answer to that is, I lost that passion somewhere along the way.

Two years, I spent on this diploma thinking that I would like it or even grow to love it someday but the truth is, I did regretted it at some point where I didn’t choose something else that I genuinely loved. I know drawing isn’t within me, but I do have to ideas and imagination but in Singapore, that’s probably not even enough. After the two years and on to the last year, I’m feeling: I should just probably finish this up and we’ll think about it again.

I really wanted to do something that I love but it’s like what they said, it’s impractical to pursue something that nothing’s going to come out of it. Here, we weigh practicality over passion.  One of the reasons that I chose this sector was because of my friends, we all wanted to do something that’s in the tourism sector because we thought it was fun, but that was what I genuinely wanted to do. I was so darn sure, but now it’s just… I don’t know anymore.

I’m really afraid that three years out of this would turn out to be nothing.

And I’m trying to find out where I’m heading towards, let’s hope it’s not the edge of a cliff.

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